Friday, July 20, 2012

SF Tsunami Impregnate NABA Playoffs

Congrats boys, but don’t expect a fucking certificate when 60% of the teams in this league make the playoffs. However, unlike Danger we did actually clinch a berth this week and that’s something to feel good about. If only because it doesn’t mean a frantic dash to Safeway for some emergency contraception.

Lot of storylines this week: Free Brazzers, Danger an almost father, Bradley Cooper’s flirtation with TST, Abbot “The Artist” dying a slow married-life death, Laser losing a footrace to third base to a fat guy for the fourth out in an frighteningly accurate real life metaphor for his dating life, and most important….wait for it…the triumphant return of our All-Star Catcher who we were lucky to win a single game without.

We also played a baseball game this week. Winning 11-1 is fucking fun, right? I don’t know what got into you guys but we lit up the Heroes like a Japanese business man’s face in the Castro on a Saturday night. Apparently, Dan thought I would use the occasion to make culturally insensitive references about Pearl Harbor, Karaoke, and/or Anime porn but he underestimates me. Instead, Tommy and I bridged the divide and honored them later that night with a Bud Light Sake Bomb for every run we scored. We are the world, you guys.

Tsunami 11, Heroes 1
“TSA Thought It Was A Weapon” Dick:
Daniels: 2-4, HR, 5 RBI

Big Swinging Dicks:
Ba(Na)2 Bread: 1-3 HR, 2 RBI
Laser Show 3-5 2 SB, 2R, 3 Off the Wall!
Toddamus 3-5 2 RBI, 2B
Bradley Cooper HR, 2 RBI

Larceny:
Laser - 2
Abbott, WTF?!– 1

Bump Kings:
LG: 5IP 5K 0 BB 2H (W)
Nuke LaLoosh: 4IP 1 ER 7K SV

Glove Kings:
Bradley Cooper for making his 4 chances at second look as good as his hair.
Toddamus’ beautiful play on that slow roller with a fast runner.

Inexcusable:
LaLoosh ruining a mercy rule/early Marin cougar run
Laser Show envy of Ba(Na)2 Bread’s game

Visionary:
Nuke LaLoosh for getting some much needed extra work on the hill.

Mid-Season Form:
Malibu Castle: 1-3 2R, 2B, HBP, 1 Bruised Hand

“Beating the Sandusky Dead Horse Award”: Malibu Castle
“Boy Who Cried Wool”: Malibu Castle

“To the Masterbatorium!”:
Highbrow dugout discussion debating the merits of various adult film stars: Leyla Starr or Jenaveve Jolie?
Pancho/Pancho (Most Valuable Contribution Award)

Tsunami Shitter Twitter
Prepare to Win!
Daniels: Planning on taking forty naked swings in front of a mirror from 2 to 4
Malibu Castle: I may try to talk the Mexican miniature golf attendant into letting me get her pregnant behind the Time Crisis game

Ba(Na)2 Bread: I got some action last night, what about you Sal?
Malibu Castle: My GF surprised with tickets to a magic show
Quinoa: Is that some kind of euphemism?

Foreshadowing!
Laser: I got fucking hosed last night I’m sorry

Hyperbole!
LG: “Christmas in July!!! Fuck you guys, once I get this bounty of blog riches (thanks Dan!!) in my brain like a finger-sized line of the finest Peruvian Chiva I will singlehandedly provide enough material for your children’s blogs and you children’s children’s blogs.
LG: Basically what Tommy would define as a humble expectation
Laser (To Malibu): If you don’t hit 5 homeruns and catch two perfect games you’ve overhyped it

Misc.
Laser: I hate when I want to fuck a girl and then you tell her that and she acts really mean after
Daniels: I hate when you want to fuck a girl but she sees your wedding ring but then she doesn’t care but now you do so you end up just making more room in the spank bank.

LG: I missed out on some good stuff when you guys were D’Antonoing the Black Sox and Sea Lions. Guess what I wasn’t doing? Padding stats.

Coach Everchill: What is hh?
Dan: What is ppl?

LG: Jesus…I’m not the fucking lifeguard for this shit you are all going to have to learn to swim on your own.
LG: And some (Tom) may drown in the process

Everchill: Wife making me watch something called “the artist”. Fuck me.
Everchill: I’m pretty sure this is a silent film. Fuck me twice.
Everchill: Take a pic. Tell her its for a guy watching a fucking silent movie who might off himself at any minute.
Everchill: The least you fucks could do is send pics of wool
Everchill: Fuck.My.Black.And.White.Life.
Malibu Castle: The Artist? Not if we’re talking about base running.
Malibu Castle: More like the arsonist

Danger: Worst news ever: Morgan is on a date with someone from the Black Sox.
Danger: Worse news: he told her they beat us.
Danger: Fuck those guys.

Laser: Fraser state your position
LG: What?
LG: I have to decide between you or Tom? Easy. You bc you’re my boy and Tom can handle the rejection.
Consulting: I can totally understand the call

Malibu Castle: Dan!! I can’t believe you think I don’t like Homosexuals!!!

Danger: I’m at Safeway. Had to pay 20 bucks for plan b. use caution when drunk and having sex in your shower.
Danger: fml
Sneaky Pete: Thata boy Hirsch. L’chaim
Danger: I almost knocked an ugly chick up. Oh noo

Consulting: I still can’t believe that guy stayed at the table with all of the madness that was encroaching upon his personal space. Awesome

Malibu Castle: Reading all the blogs. Todd boned a chick in a bathroom?
Toddamus: She was awesome. Left sleeve tattoos and multiple private piercings. The magic happened to “blue jeans and white t-shirts.” Best 27 seconds of my life.
Ba(Na)2 Bread: Gives new meaning to “hittin the ham” huh?
Laser: Uh. Gives it its first meaning to me. Never heard of that
Daniels: Likewise

Email Fun!
LG: Fuck you Conner, you're wasting your talent by not participating. And don't act like you're above this shit, you lived in your car.
Bradley Cooper: slashing pucks with danger in la mission. #irony #slumpbusters. yearning to get on the shitter twitter.(rizzo currently being rizzo. full leather, gold, yankee hat, 4 loco)
Bradley Cooper: That guy bleeds Italiano!

Daniels: That guy bleeds doubles off the wall
Malibu Castle: And he just bleeds from sliding on the turf trying to get to 3rd base on a 4th out.

*Save the Date*
Official Tsunami Team Outing: Jenna Jameson at The Gold Club Thursday Aug 2 at 7pm.
Posted by Brother Mouzone on 07/20 at 09:00 AM
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