Monday, April 11, 2011

Jon Danger Hirsch Doesn’t Give A Fuck About Timing, Baseball Has A Code.

Jon Danger Hirsch Doesn’t Give A Fuck About Timing, Baseball Has A Code. Jon Danger Hirsch is going to protect Tsunami hitters, and he will send that message at primetime on every channel when the maximum viewers are watching. You can’t hit our rookies. You wanna open the game hitting our leadoff man? Bookend, motherfuckers.
Tsunami 2 at Topes 3
Black Label kept his eye on the ball to leadoff 18 innings against the 17-time defending champions. Kept his eye on the ball the whole way until his nose got in the way . . . Daniels stepped up to a blood-speckled plate and dialed 1994 for a replay of his first time, turned on a low inside fastball and took off for second as it cleared the leftfielder. Ran a hard 120 feet before recognizing no one else was moving, he’d simply hit the ball too far. Raced the rest of the way around the bases anyway. Zero showmanship . . . Banished slicing one of only 5 team hits to right, stealing 3rd, scoring on Daniels’ 0-2 RBI single to left . . . Banished just overpowering, striking out 9 Topes in six innings, only giving up one home run (to the 10th hitter; happens to everyone, we’re told) . . . Topes getting second run on throwing error, final on Danger making a statement to close game . . . Nothing to be ashamed of here, against any team, much less the The LA Sparks of the SFNABA.

Tsunami 0 at Topes 14
It’s hard to get rookies to listen. Particularly when they idolize Paul O’Neill. Paul FUCKING O’Neill. So Banished (one paragraph away from a new nickname) doesn’t like the umps and doesn’t like that he can’t date his daughter (the ump’s, not his own; don’t be sick), so he decides to petition for a two-game vacation after pitching one of best Tsunami starts ever in Game 1 . . . Daniels was the only repeat baserunner, staying hot for the day . . . Godfather proved once again he’s kryptonite to the perennial powerhouse Benders and Topes . . . Rowe turned back the clock to look flashy in left . . . Black Label got his honker to stop bleeding . . . and then the rains came, so that was that and enough said.

The Right Move
Everchill gives ball to The Scarlet Letter. Trusts rook on the rock for six against champs. Listens to Banished after fifth saying arm feels great, look, my hand usually shakes when I pithc. Shows hand to Everchill nad Daniels. Hand is shaking rapidly. Everchill goes for and gets one more.

Glove Kings
The Scarlet Letter: Sick laser show from 350 sign to 3rd base on fielded triple. In. The. Air. But it did arc, as Toddamus pointed out 46 times, otherwise we had him. Hilariously simple 200-foot rope to 1B to double-off runner who apparently lost ticket to laser show inning before.

Rowe: You can’t drop popcorn in left field. Even in the lights. Rowe is a vacuum. 3 chase-downs in the dark out of the bright lights.

Bump Kings
The Scarlet Letter: 6 IP, 9 Ks, 1 ER (way gone, though)
Godfatther: 2 IP, only wormburners and silly flies

Big Sticks
Daniels, 3-5, HR, BB, 2 RBI
Toddamus, 1B, 3 BB
Scarlett Letter 1-4, SB, RS

For the Team
Black Label, right between the nose and the upper lip. Right where a proper utility-man mustache could’ve protected him. Coach told, coach told em to grow a defensive salute. But of course coach plays infield without a cup, so who’s listening.

K Derby
The Scarlet Letter 12
Danger 6
Ratto 6
Uno 2

“In Spanish They’re Called Yown Rrrrrrrrrrrrruns” Derby
Daniels (1, off Stoval)

Ripped, Robbed or Jobbed
Moreno: two line drives (3 for season) sent cricket style at the pitcher’s twigs. Both kicked perfectly to first or second for outs. Robbed.

Everchill: Not only the most electrifying atomically-charged foul ball of the year. But also a hickory rocket straight into the 3rd basemen's glove that he still feels in his palm. Hit em where they ain't!

M.I.A.
Ivy League

From the Enemy’s Perspective
Gotta respect those dern tough cement-chewing Tsunami sons of bitches. Took us right down to the walkoff wire Game 1, coulda blown either way how the game was going. Gotta respect a crew that sticks to its principles, damn the timing or cost. And tough fer any outfit to bounce back for Game 2 after that crotch poke, plus all the rain coming down.

Larceny
The Scarlet Letter 1(3)
Daniels 2 (2)
Everchill 1 (1)
Ratto 1 (1)

Larceny Derby
The Scarlet Letter 3
Daniels 2
Black Label 1 (+1 corrected, Week 1)
Everchill 1 (-1 corrected, Week 1)
Ratto 1

Request For the Scorer
Pitching. Changes.

Repeated Request For the Scorer
RUNS. BATTED. IN!
Posted by Tsunami34 on 04/11 at 11:20 AM
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