Thursday, April 18, 2013

John Danger Hirsch doesn’t give a fuck. No seriously. He didn’t even show up

John Danger Hirsch doesn’t give a fuck. (No seriously. He didn’t even show up). Danger has better things to do on a Sunday afternoon, like giving everyone free beer, surfing Cliphunter until it’s time to inject his Winstrol, taking key bumps in the storage room at Liberties, and looking at new pictures of brown art on Sam’s phone. While those are certainly questionable priorities, it sounds like a lot more fun than Section 925’s Sunday afternoon spent working on group projects, playing his podcast, and sexting Autocorrect’s chubby ex co-workers….spare me!

Luckily for both of them the Blue Claws didn’t show up either and the game looked a lot like the train being run simultaneously on Avra at Coachella (pictures to come). Lorenzo Gigante got thru 6 innings on 54 pitches and used more effort for his jaw dropping Shart timed perfectly during the final pitch-A nice tribute to his girlfriend for coming out.

Bump Kings:

Lorenzo Gigante- 6 Innings, 54 pitches and another near perfect performance that stays intact with the 9-3 putout that almost was.

Nuke Kalush- 1 Inning and no runs but he assured us he could go 2 or 3 innings if needed. Jake Taylor has the icepack ready should his lips swell up against the Topes next Sunday

Droppin Braj:

Homewrecker: Mammoth double that easily would have been out had Karma not kicked up the winds as punishment for fucking everyone’s wife.

Toddamus-Finally realizing we aren’t Cal State Fullerton and our 3 hitter doesn’t bunt……EVER.

Ronnie Coleman- Hard single in his first at bat in 8 years proving that hitting is just like riding a pussy elevator. Bonus points for introducing Rizzo to the Babe Ruth.

Autocorrect-2-4 with a great Willie Mayes Hayes Impersonation

Nuke Kalush- Bases clearing double on a foul ball which will surely be used as evidence for more AB’s.

Outlaw Chu- Nail in the Blue Claws coffin with a double down the line

Larceny- How the Tsunami ever score running the bases this way?

Nuke- Minus 1 for running a hard 90 right past 2nd base when a slide makes you safe by a mile- Further evidence that you should embrace being a pitcher.

Soundbites:

“Cam never sent out porn in the In or Out email”- Jake Taylor
“It’s must be easy to pull your muscles when you have so many”-Jake Taylor

Posted by Autocorrect on 04/18 at 09:31 AM
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