Wednesday, July 04, 2012

John Danger Hirsch doesn’t give a fuck about his personal hygiene

John Danger Hirsch doesn't give a fuck about his personal hygiene, gentlemen, but he does care about team unity, sacrifice, support and good baseball karma.  And your hygiene.  So Danger will not abide us skirting the issue:  jock itch is a yeast infection.  Ok?  Same thing as the ladies, yeah, just what happens on innies vs. outies.  So don't blame the jorts. Clearly the jorts had momentum, rally and heart.  Just too bad Autocorrect's and Vinnie Chase's yeast infections prevented them from jorting with the rest of the team.  Chronic bad karma.  Thanks for failing to unite with your team and pissing off the baseball gods who then sent us umpires who got rejected from Tulane.
Fog 4, Tsunami 3
We blew it.

Fog 15, Tsunami 14
We  blew it.  But then we unblew it.  Then we blew it again.  But then we couldn't unblow it enough.

For The Team
Jake Taylor:  That infield had been looking to hit somebody all day, and finally it was Coach who had the courage to stand up and head-butt it right in the eyes between first and second base. Learn, dirt. Back off next time.

Bump Kings
There are no hill heroes in a loss.

Big Hot Sticks
See Bump Kings.

Glove Kings
See Sticks, Big Hot.

We suck at running the bases, you guys. Suck. We’re not even close to poor, bad or underwhelming. We tease and taunt and tickle and then polish and swallow a big fat baserunning dick. Fact. Both games could’ve been won without two players getting doubled off of second on hits to the outfield.

Saying let’s got station to station, be conservative, having LG yell at everyone don’t seem to work. So let's try a new approach and have a fun review of Tsunami stealing Base Cuatro over the years.

Tsunami with NON-effective SFNABA steals of home:

2010: Jake Taylor, perhaps confusing the characters of Major League, putting a bright bow on a 22-3 loss to end the 2010 season with Danger at bat, two outs, 2-0 count.  Situation: Danger's third at-bat of the season.  Catcher tagged him, well, let’s say closer to home than third. Money quote, Danger: "Are you SERIOUS, MIKE?"

2011: Laser, at Moscone, in the sandbox. Almost safe. Very close play.  Definitely ten feet closer to home than Coach Taylor.  Situation:  bases loaded, two outs, down 1.  Guy who looks a lot like Bradley Fucking Cooper at the plate. Money quote, Danger: "DON'T SWING, DON'T SWING! DON"T SWING!"  

Tsunami with effective SFNABA steals of home:

2007: Daniels.  Callahan had the slowest wind-up in the league and Daniels had just been traded by Rowe to the Artichoke Joe’s of San Bruno for one game. No player to be named later. Daniels, with five game sfor the Tsunami under his belt, was none to happy with Old Quinoa Rowe about the trade and decided to hit a triple onto the softball field at Moscone. He then looked Strong Wang square in the eye and requested the green light if his former and future teammate Callahan went from the windup. As anyone who’s found themselves at the bottom of a pack of Chesterfields in a San Bruno casino come daybreak can attest, Wang does not shy away from the gamble. “Go,” was all he said. Safe by a mile. Fuck you, Tsunami. FU, Rowe. Artichoke Joe’s 4, Tsunami 3.

These Things Were Said Somewhere in the Tsunami Stratosphere Sometime Remotely Close to This Game

Carozza:  “Embrace your hogs, boys, they will feed you come winter.”

Black Label: “I'm not sure I agree. If he was stealing home, why is there no panicked screaming of "DON'T SWING!! DON'T SWING!!!!" by the runner as he comes down the line??

Autocorrect:  “So since we're having a "I fucked a fat chick.....not anonymous" meeting I figured I would show you the fat pig I roasted. We nicknamed her Margaret Chow.”

Autocorrect: “I also know Frasers worst moment. She has orangutang titties and bug eyes.”

Autocorrect:  “Jason Hirsch is to the Marina as Tommy Salvatierra is to the Mission.”

Danger:  “Fuck you Timmy Salvatierra”

Autocorrect: “I feel like this team is helping solve some inter SF neighborhood hatred.  It's like remember the titans . . . . . except we're all white.”
Posted by Tsunami34 on 07/04 at 09:08 PM
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