John Danger Hirsch doesn’t give a fuck if you don’t like the results

You think he does? Hell no, but Danger knows he gave it his all. Anyone else around here committing to pulling an eleventh-hour slumpbuster out of a shadowy BART car for the good of the team? Check YOUR commitment to the 2011 edition of the San Francisco Tsunami before you criticize.

Tsunami 3 vs Bay Sox 9
Ivy League brought his best effort of the season when the Tsunami needed it most. After escaping a first-inning, two-on, nobody-out jam, he cruised for four more innings until reaching his limit. The rookies brought the defense, Toddamus and Black Label smothering any ground snakes on the left side. The mighty Bay Sox, who ten-runned the Tsunami twice in a double-header last year, were held in check until finding momentum and confidence in a sixth-inning leadoff error. A couple relievers and one Laser Show twisted neck later, with Danger getting his leg work in across the softball fields, the Tsunami felt down two touchdowns. Coach Everchill broke up the league-MVP Botterman’s no-hitter in the fifth, at least, and Big Cat Uno returned from semi-retirement of hitting to go 2-4. Laser Show settled in after the rough start, and the top of the order rallied twice against Bay Sox relieve and former Tsunami Foley. We would’ve had them in game 2.

The Right Move(s)
Everchill gave the pill to Ivy League again, trusted him against the deep veteran Bay Sox lineup and was rewarded with

The Wrong Move (aka the trade of Kendrick Perkins)
Everchill pulls Danger for Laser Show, seemingly The Right Move considering Laser Show’s dominance vs. Topes, Red Giants and Aces and Danger’s two walks, one triple surrendered in relief of Ivy League. Still seemed like The Right Move when Laser Show had SFNABA legend (and former Tsunami) Kawasaki 0-2 with two outs and the bases loaded. But then a softball practice was interrupted on a nearby field.

Glove Kings
Black Label: Cookie Monster D at third. Clean sweeps of scud line drives and perfect bare-hand grab and chuck on dribbler off speedster.

Bump King
Ivy League: 5.1 IP, 5 Ks, 2 ER

Big Hot Sticks
Laser Show: 2-5, 3B, 2 R, SB
Big Cat Uno: 2-4
Daniels: 2-4, BB, R, SB, 2 RBI
Black Label: 1-4, 2B, RBI
Everchill: 1-4 (broke up no-no in 5th)

For the Team
Black Label: Don Fucking Baylor at this point. Wore a League MVP slider right in the soft spot of bone in center of left elbow. Just like they teach in college. And in the first inning again.

K Derby
Laser Show: 13
Danger: 8
Ivy League: 10
Ratto: 6
Uno: 2
Black Label: 0

Habit Forming
Just A Letter: tagged on jersey by an opposing infielder with ball in glove, not on a base. Second time this season. Not recommended.

Modesty Derby
Daniels: 1

Neck-Snap Derby
Laser Show: 2 (Not to worry, Grand Slams only count as one)

Ripped, Robbed or Jobbed
Danger: Shrunken zone for jort loogy reliever. No dice on consecutive two-strike counts. JOBBED.

G. H. Ruth

From the Enemy’s Perspective
Good thing we’re not playing throw out your best and your worst inning. Cause then we would have lost.

Daniels 1 (3)
Everchill 2 (3)
Ratto 3! (4)
Black Label 2 (3)
Chu 1 (1)
Buestad 1 (1)

Larceny Derby*
Daniels 4 (new leader!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (it doesn’t matter if they throw down, it still counts)
Laser Show 4
Ratto 4
Everchill 4 (it doesn’t matter if they hold you on, it still counts)
Black Label 3
Chu 1 (catcher steals should count double)
Buestad 1
*does not include pickoffs or caught stealing (to be tallied at midseason; CS = -1; pickoff = -4)

Repeated Postgame Thanks to the Scorer
Pitching Changes! Yay!

Just Forget It, At This Point
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