Monday, April 18, 2011

It’s too cheesy to talk about how foggy it was that dark Sunday to play the Fog

You won’t find that kind of low-hanging fruit picked here. Not gonna do it. Leave that to media interns.

Tsunami 16 at Fog 6
Ivy League! Hope for the front of the Tsunami rotation was generated with bounceback first inning after leadoff score, solid 3rd after rocky 2nd, and dominating 4th . . . The bats continued their Topes-induced slumber until top of 7th, when the Fog parted to allow 8 runs after Daniels roped a leadoff single to center, ultimately scoring twice in the bat-around inning . . . George Human Ruth ripping double down line for only solid (uncaught) Tsunami knock in 5th, plating only second big green run. Then ripping 0-2, two-out single to left to score Daniels and ignite 7-run inning . . . Hardaway being perfect pain at bottom of the order, singling and scoring twice . . . Toddamus collaring first ever 0 for 6 . . . Toddamus and Black Label fighting for top Web Gem only two outs apart . . . the dugout finally realizing that “we only get to play baseball once a week” and “these things tend to snowball,” finally catching fire against hardworking Fog starter and then dominating final innings with proper flair . . . First post-game celebration beyond the sad Daniels-Everchill pairing of the first two games: 9 total, including this year’s #1 fan. 500 Club, as if you didn’t know.

The Right Move(s)
Everchill gave the pill to Ivy League again, trusted him to work past second inning control issues. Got rewarded with best-looking innings of season in 3rd and 4th. Went to Danger to start 5th even though Fog had gone 1-2-3. Danger cruises through four.

Glove Kings
Toddamus: You don’t know how he got there. He doesn’t know how he got there. Somehow he dove and actually sped up, gained height in the ear. Pocketed a rocket headed for centerfield. With a ten-run, last-inning lead no less. In the cold. Respect.

Black Label: Did he Jim Edmonds it? Hell no. That was a full-speed, full-extension-required headfirst dive to warm up the fans. Though next time calling it would be appreciated by the infielders, among others.

Bump Kings
Ivy League: 4 IP, 4 Ks
Danger: 4 IP, 2 Ks, 2 ER

Fun Stuff Between Two Veteran Red-Asses
“Run out your fucking ground balls!”
“What?”
“RUN OUT YOUR FUCKING GROUND BALLS NEXT TIME!” (goes to left fuming, commits error)

Big Sticks
George Herman Ruth, 2-5, 2B
Daniels, 2-6, 2 RBI, 2 R, SB
Hardaway, 2-5, 2 R
Everchill, 1-3, 2 BB, 2 R, 2 SB,
Black Label, 1-5, 2B, 2 SB

For the Team
Buestad: Not sure why. He wasn’t even throwing hard! Don’t you want to hit, son?

K Derby
The Scarlet Letter 12
Danger 8
Ivy League 5
Ratto 6
Uno 2

Habit Forming
Black Label: tagged on jersey by an opposing infielder with ball in glove, not on a base. Second time in three weeks. Not recommended.

Modesty Derby
Daniels 1

Ripped, Robbed or Jobbed
Daniels: pimp-slapped fastball to left to lead off 5th in attempt to spark dead offense. Robbed.

Toddamus: 0-2 center of the barrel missle to left field to lead off 2nd. Might have opened the floodgates. If it wasn’t directly at the only two feet of grass covered by the Fog’s left statue. Getting all of a last at-bat opportunity to avoid 0 for 6 but again choosing to hit a statue, this time in centerfield. Swing up, big fella, hit it over their heads. Robbed and then robbed.

M.I.A.
Scarlet Letter (one-game suspension away from new nickname)

From the Enemy’s Perspective
You can’t keep a good team down. Not for 8 innings. Not, apparently, for seven. Sure felt like we had em for awhile. Felt like they were ready to go home. Felt wrong, I guess.

Larceny
Daniels 1 (3)
Everchill 2 (3)
Ratto 3! (4)
Black Label 2 (3)
Chu 1 (1)
Buestad 1 (1)

Larceny Derby*
Ratto 4 (new leader!)
The Scarlet Letter 3
Daniels 3
Everchill 3 (it doesn’t matter how slide, the important thing is you get back up)
Black Label 3
Chu 1 (catcher steals should count double)
Buestad 1
*does not include pickoffs or caught stealing (to be tallied at midseason; CS = -1; pickoff = -4)

Postgame Thanks to the Scorer
Pitching Changes! Yay!

Incredibly Ignored Request For the Scorer
RUNS. BATTED. IN!
Posted by Tsunami34 on 04/18 at 08:54 AM
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Monday, April 11, 2011

Jon Danger Hirsch Doesn’t Give A Fuck About Timing, Baseball Has A Code.

Jon Danger Hirsch Doesn’t Give A Fuck About Timing, Baseball Has A Code. Jon Danger Hirsch is going to protect Tsunami hitters, and he will send that message at primetime on every channel when the maximum viewers are watching. You can’t hit our rookies. You wanna open the game hitting our leadoff man? Bookend, motherfuckers.
Tsunami 2 at Topes 3
Black Label kept his eye on the ball to leadoff 18 innings against the 17-time defending champions. Kept his eye on the ball the whole way until his nose got in the way . . . Daniels stepped up to a blood-speckled plate and dialed 1994 for a replay of his first time, turned on a low inside fastball and took off for second as it cleared the leftfielder. Ran a hard 120 feet before recognizing no one else was moving, he’d simply hit the ball too far. Raced the rest of the way around the bases anyway. Zero showmanship . . . Banished slicing one of only 5 team hits to right, stealing 3rd, scoring on Daniels’ 0-2 RBI single to left . . . Banished just overpowering, striking out 9 Topes in six innings, only giving up one home run (to the 10th hitter; happens to everyone, we’re told) . . . Topes getting second run on throwing error, final on Danger making a statement to close game . . . Nothing to be ashamed of here, against any team, much less the The LA Sparks of the SFNABA.

Tsunami 0 at Topes 14
It’s hard to get rookies to listen. Particularly when they idolize Paul O’Neill. Paul FUCKING O’Neill. So Banished (one paragraph away from a new nickname) doesn’t like the umps and doesn’t like that he can’t date his daughter (the ump’s, not his own; don’t be sick), so he decides to petition for a two-game vacation after pitching one of best Tsunami starts ever in Game 1 . . . Daniels was the only repeat baserunner, staying hot for the day . . . Godfather proved once again he’s kryptonite to the perennial powerhouse Benders and Topes . . . Rowe turned back the clock to look flashy in left . . . Black Label got his honker to stop bleeding . . . and then the rains came, so that was that and enough said.

The Right Move
Everchill gives ball to The Scarlet Letter. Trusts rook on the rock for six against champs. Listens to Banished after fifth saying arm feels great, look, my hand usually shakes when I pithc. Shows hand to Everchill nad Daniels. Hand is shaking rapidly. Everchill goes for and gets one more.

Glove Kings
The Scarlet Letter: Sick laser show from 350 sign to 3rd base on fielded triple. In. The. Air. But it did arc, as Toddamus pointed out 46 times, otherwise we had him. Hilariously simple 200-foot rope to 1B to double-off runner who apparently lost ticket to laser show inning before.

Rowe: You can’t drop popcorn in left field. Even in the lights. Rowe is a vacuum. 3 chase-downs in the dark out of the bright lights.

Bump Kings
The Scarlet Letter: 6 IP, 9 Ks, 1 ER (way gone, though)
Godfatther: 2 IP, only wormburners and silly flies

Big Sticks
Daniels, 3-5, HR, BB, 2 RBI
Toddamus, 1B, 3 BB
Scarlett Letter 1-4, SB, RS

For the Team
Black Label, right between the nose and the upper lip. Right where a proper utility-man mustache could’ve protected him. Coach told, coach told em to grow a defensive salute. But of course coach plays infield without a cup, so who’s listening.

K Derby
The Scarlet Letter 12
Danger 6
Ratto 6
Uno 2

“In Spanish They’re Called Yown Rrrrrrrrrrrrruns” Derby
Daniels (1, off Stoval)

Ripped, Robbed or Jobbed
Moreno: two line drives (3 for season) sent cricket style at the pitcher’s twigs. Both kicked perfectly to first or second for outs. Robbed.

Everchill: Not only the most electrifying atomically-charged foul ball of the year. But also a hickory rocket straight into the 3rd basemen's glove that he still feels in his palm. Hit em where they ain't!

M.I.A.
Ivy League

From the Enemy’s Perspective
Gotta respect those dern tough cement-chewing Tsunami sons of bitches. Took us right down to the walkoff wire Game 1, coulda blown either way how the game was going. Gotta respect a crew that sticks to its principles, damn the timing or cost. And tough fer any outfit to bounce back for Game 2 after that crotch poke, plus all the rain coming down.

Larceny
The Scarlet Letter 1(3)
Daniels 2 (2)
Everchill 1 (1)
Ratto 1 (1)

Larceny Derby
The Scarlet Letter 3
Daniels 2
Black Label 1 (+1 corrected, Week 1)
Everchill 1 (-1 corrected, Week 1)
Ratto 1

Request For the Scorer
Pitching. Changes.

Repeated Request For the Scorer
RUNS. BATTED. IN!
Posted by Tsunami34 on 04/11 at 11:20 AM
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Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Opening Day 2011: Jon Danger Hirsch Doesn’t Give A Fuck About Wearing Some High Schooler’s Hat

Tsunami 19, Red Giants 7
All about the debuts this time out (well that and some handy veteran production), but mainly the debuts: White-Lightning Pants leading off Tsunami season with BB, stealing 2nd, stealing 3rd, scoring on infield single; sac advancing two runners in 3rd; pregame laser show from CF; 3 Straight Ks to slam shut 7th (and final inning) after awesome Nuke Laloosh 4-pitch BB to open inning (featuring backstop dusting (no mascots were injured)) . . . No Nickname Yet getting first Tsunami hit (1st SFNABA hit in 3rd), at least 2 runs scored (7 or 8 more potentially after replacing non-runners); flawless infield D (between innings thrown-ground balls included) . . . Toddamus proving to be excellent platoon infielder vs. righties: frozen, knee-buckling-error-inducing drive to LF in first post-collegiate-domestic AB; 3 hits; decidedly better than horrible defense (see below: Kings, Glove) . . . Ivy League opening Tsunami career with 1-2-3 inning on Opening Day; 2 Ks; perfectly-calibrated-maximum challenge of Coach Everchill’s forehead vein capacity and circulation rate . . . then Everchill setting pace with 3 BBs (one the man way) . . . Moreno ripping one off of pitcher’s wheel, other off right field chalk for double (right time, too) . . . Chu a wall, only challenged once . . . Danger arriving to calmly extinguish fire without singeing pubic backpacker beard . . . George Human Ruth hitting one double to warning track, breaking sound barrier, didn’t even get half of it . . . Ratto effectively disarming inning-long car alarm annoyance . . . Danger coasting through order unscathed twice . . . No Nickname Yet getting picked off 1B but Chu scoring from 3B to make it look like we planned that . . . 4 Tsunami errors . . . 10-plus enemy errors . . . 10-plus Tsunami walks . . . Zero fistfights . . . Zero injuries . . . Two post-game bar attendees (very weak, lots of room for improvement).


The Big Picture
Looks like the most-contested Tsunami ROY contest in years. Four new Tsunami look to be major contenders . . . SP, SS, CF/P, IF/OF . . . Serious east coast bias among the voters doesn’t scare any of the four least coast natives now enjoying The City.

Glove Kings:
Toddamus: Sick, over-calmly pick of a line-driven, runner-screened grenade, flipped to Tamir for an inning-ending double play.

Tamir: Fresh-on-the-field, First-throw-of-the-year (touch even), Catch-and-Turn-Toss-Elevate Laser to First for an inning-ending double play.

W. L. Pants: Intimidated opponent/Amused-Inspired Tsunami with Pregame Laser Show from CF.

Bump Kings
Danger: 4 1/3 IP, 4 Ks, 0 ER

W. L. Pants: 3 Ks, 1 IP

George Human Ruth
#18: Titanic, freeway-attacking, night-bringing, backspun, ear-splitting, wood-bat-dynamite double three-hundred-and-ninety-five-feet to dead center field. 395. 395. 395. Off a 72 mph fastball. At night. Warning track power.

Big Sticks
Toddamus, 3-4, BB, 2B, 3 R
George Herman Ruth, 1-3, 2 BB, 2B, 2B-Robbed-By-Incompetence (+2rbis)
Daniels, BB. 3 R, 2 SB
Moreno (needs nickname), 1-3, BB, 2B
Ratto (Lexus is best nickname, but last name is way cooler), 1-3, 2B, 2 BB, 2 R
W.L. Pants (one-Lombard Sports-run-away from a new nickname), 1-3, 2 R, S, SB

For the Team
Everchill 1 (1). It his his elbow, okay? Right on the bone! That’s the only reason he screamed.

K Derby
Danger 4 (4)
W. L. Pants 3 (3)
Ivy League 2 (2)

Wrong K Derby (Won’t Be An Ongoing Feature)(Only Fun Once Then Would BE Mean)
Carroza 1 (1) (took it like a man)
Daniels 1 (1) {totally wined (it did almost brush jersey, above letters)} (still whining)
Chu 1 (1)
Tamir 1 (1) (ripped, robbed candidate)
Moreno 1 (1)
Danger 1 (just kidding; Everchill CS home B4 swing)
Hardaway 1 (1) (ripped, robbed candidate; total screwing)

Larceny
W.L. Pants 2 (2)
Daniels 2 (2)
Everchill 1 (strictly Pants’s caboose) (1)
? (potential missed SBs = +/- 2; send complaints to Godfather c/o Hale)

Undeserving
Daniels RBI single top 1: driven cleanly off the center of the handle to deep west of mound, just enough east of 3B. Crushed.

Ripped, Robbed
G. H. Ruth bases-loaded 2-RBI double down the line top 6: official not only ruled this true hit a catch (to what opposing SS told umpire—“honestly, he didn’t catch it”), but then umpire ruled catch a non-caught foul ball (putting Everchill back at 3B, Daniels to 2B, Toddamus to 1b, G. H. Ruth to batter’s box); but then Coach Everchill responded there was no way it was foul (said with gusto, but only because ball landed beside glove a few feet inside foul line for a fair double) so umpires conferenced to rule Ball In Fact Now Caught After All, Ruth Out, Daniels Out at 3B (but Toddamus safe at 2B despite not tagging up). So much awesome in one play. All of it wrong. Double play.

M.I.A.
Tarde (needs to participate for improved nickname).

From the Enemy’s Perspective
I should have never taken myself out.
I should have put myself back in earlier.
I shouldn’t have taken myself out again.
I should’ve put myself back in again.
We almost had them.
Next time.
If only I’d pitched more.

Past ROY:
1987: 1. Everchill 2. Oklahoma (R.I.P.)
2002: 1. Moreno 2. Levine
2003: 1. Brill (Uno) 2. Goldberg
2004 1. Hardaway 2.
2006 1. Tamir 2. Reverend Coffman
2007 1. K. Daniels 2. The Two That Shall Not Be Named (Sons of Laettner)
2008 1. Ratto 2. Danger
2009 1. Rowdy Roddy 2. Hot Stick Merritt
2010 1. Tarde 2. Hale (Godfather)
2011 ?

One Request For the Scorer
Runs. Batted. In.
Posted by Tsunami34 on 04/06 at 02:51 PM
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